Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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