Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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