Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
