Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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