I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
