you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
