The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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