Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize