I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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