I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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