I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
