6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
