mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
