You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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