i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
