I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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