I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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