Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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