somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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