I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
