Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
