Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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