Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
