there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
