I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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