I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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