So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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