Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
