i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize