the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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