he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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