So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
