First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
