I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
