i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
