Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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