I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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