I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
