my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My breasts were aching with rage.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
