My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
