TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Randomize
