Me. At least after what I've been through.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
