I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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