I just made out with a guy for $7.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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