How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
