It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
