i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
