At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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