you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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