This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
