Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
