I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize