it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
