I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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