You really coming over, don't trick.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
