It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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