the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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