We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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