My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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