I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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