why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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