I wish I could teleport
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
