Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
