I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
