I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
