You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
