goodnight i made you a song goodbye
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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