did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
