9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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