fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
