operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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