im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
