Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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