I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk is not a location!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
