Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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