She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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