Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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