She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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