I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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