I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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